When it comes to sex, there seems to always be one concern we can all relate to: Am I having enough of it? What if you’re not feeling it anymore — but you want to? 

First, let’s just get one thing out of the way: there is no such thing as “enough” sex or the “perfect” amount of times to have sex in a week. Whatever works for you, works for you! But, if you’ve noticed that you want to, but no longer have the drive, here are a couple of things you can do to give yourself that extra oomph.

Check with your doc

It’s always a good idea to check with your doctor to rule out any health hiccups that could be getting in the way. For example, low libido could be caused by physical changes in the pelvic region, such as vaginal dryness. Vaginal dryness, one of the main symptoms of menopause, can cause sex to be painful — which, in turn, makes you not want to have sex (surprise, surprise). Your doctor could also run a hormone panel, ruling out issues that could affect testosterone levels, such as thyroid problems. Certain medications can also be prescribed to help improve your sex drive.

Talk it out

Sometimes, life just gets in the way of your sex life. If you want to have sex, but you’re just too tired or too busy, try scheduling sex. I get it, that doesn’t sound like the sexiest thing in the world, but if you’re unhappy with the frequency of sex in your life or feel that the physical connection is lacking, you’d be surprised what a little communication can do to help spice things up. If you’re in a partnership, sometimes facing the issue head-on can help reignite that spark. Also, let’s not forget that sex doesn’t necessarily have to mean penetration! Pleasure can take on so many different forms that you can explore, either by yourself or with a partner.

Au naturel

It’s something you’ve heard over (and over) — get active! Exercise, walking, or any type of movement can help you get your groove back by increasing dopamine while simultaneously reducing stress. 

While you’re at it, don’t forget to kick bad habits, such as not getting enough sleep, eating junk food in excess, and smoking. Leading a healthy lifestyle not only promotes a healthy hormonal balance, but also allows blood to circulate (to the places that need it most)!

Sex therapy

Sex therapy can help get you back in touch with your sensuality and help you figure out what is getting in the way of achieving your best sex life. Trained counselors can help you learn about sexual response techniques and even give you “homework” or exercises to try out in the moment. 

You might be wondering: how is this different from regular therapy? Rather than assuming that sex drive will automatically improve once all relationship issues are addressed, sex therapy focuses on the issues specifically getting in the way of sexual satisfaction. Just to clarify, sex therapy is a form of talk therapy and does not include sexual contact between the therapist and client, and doesn’t necessarily even have to include a partner.

At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that there’s nothing wrong with you just because you’re not always feeling it. Our sex drives peak and valley throughout our lives, and there is a plethora of factors attributing to that at any given time. You always have options — don’t give up on yourself! 

 Michelle Alexander (she/her) is a freelance writer based out of colorful San Francisco. She enjoys sunny days, oat milk lattes, and hanging out in Mission Dolores Park with her fluffy canine companion, Winston.

Posted: August 23, 2022